dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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