guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
