she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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