Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
