i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
