my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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