I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
