She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
