Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
