not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
