Who did Billy Mays play for?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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