I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
