Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
