why didn't you poke me back
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
