I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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