I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
