After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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