i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
