Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize