Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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