Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
