so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize