hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
