We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
