you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
