his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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