so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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