Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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