is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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