dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
