This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
