hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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