Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
