you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
