Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
two words: eviction party
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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