Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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