My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
