I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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