You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
