for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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