At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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