He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
