i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
