Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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