When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
