you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
