I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize