We need to rekindle our bromance
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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