man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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