I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
