he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
