The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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