We're facebook friends in real life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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