she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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