today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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