Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
