i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
