then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
