Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
