SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
