I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
