I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
